minor musings 1

       Sometimes when I am alone with my thoughts, which is often, I wonder why I am the way I am. Why do I feel things so deeply? Do other people feel things this way? Why do I seem to take one step forward and three steps back so often? While I know we cannot blame who we are on someone or some event, I do know that what we walk through has a way of shaping us into who we are. Recognizing this is an integral part of our path that we walk because if we fail to do this; we will end up blaming our lot on someone else. I may appear to contradict myself at times until I am fully able to express my mind on this matter- so please bear with me.

       I’ve seen stories that tell of a child surviving years of abuse and torture only to have a complete mental breakdown and never heal. I’ve watched where a woman was sexually molested, beaten, and enslaved for a long period of time and when freed she could not unfetter herself from her tortuous dreams. So, while we are responsible for our reactions to other’s actions; there are still the intricate musings of our vast beings that cannot be overlooked nor cast aside. I would like to keep these thoughts in mind as I share more about my story. I write mainly because writing is cathartic for me and also in hopes that maybe someone else would choose to share their story with me. Although it has been nearly a lifetime since my story began; so much of it is still fresh in my mind. I have spent so much of my life lamenting the way my brain and emotions work. Instead, I am coming to a tentative grip that this is who I am.

        I will endeavor to write from the perspective of my story alone; but at times it will intersect with others who were with me.  What I write about is true but I will change the names of other people. I hope my battles, my agony, my confusion can all touch someone’s heart who may be struggling and feel that they are alone. They are not. Sometimes I will share poems I have written to chronicle my journey. My poems are more like prayers whispered up to God in hopes that He will hear me. Thank you for taking time to read!


it splits, it splinters, shredding each frail piece.

breaking apart the symmetry that once held it in place.

 pick the fragments up and heap them in a pile.

that is all it’s really worth, even when you smile.

donna marie

the blow

 the blow struck her suddenly-

i watched her stumble low.

she never saw it coming-

how could she possibly know?

i wonder…. can she take it-

the pain that sears her heart-

or will she end up in a pit-

while her mind frays apart.

donna marie

let you down

don’t want to let you down-

trying hard as i can-

wish you understood-

what a terrible mess i am-

it pains, it smothers me-

so tightly it’s wound-

till i’m all but shattered-

where i can’t be found.

donna marie


into the deep

I felt a Cleaving in my Mind-

As if my brain had split-

I tried to match it- Seam by Seam-

But could not make it fit.

-Emily Dickinson

This poem describes how I feel a great deal of the time– but I am learning to be grateful that I feel things so deeply. I see that God has given me great empathy for others and I know that it comes from going through deep waters.   dmi