Sometimes when I am alone with my thoughts, which is often, I wonder why I am the way I am. Why do I feel things so deeply? Do other people feel things this way? Why do I seem to take one step forward and three steps back so often? While I know we cannot blame who we are on someone or some event, I do know that what we walk through has a way of shaping us into who we are. Recognizing this is an integral part of our path that we walk because if we fail to do this; we will end up blaming our lot on someone else. I may appear to contradict myself at times until I am fully able to express my mind on this matter- so please bear with me.

       I’ve seen stories that tell of a child surviving years of abuse and torture only to have a complete mental breakdown and never heal. I’ve watched where a woman was sexually molested, beaten, and enslaved for a long period of time and when freed she could not unfetter herself from her tortuous dreams. So, while we are responsible for our reactions to other’s actions; there are still the intricate musings of our vast beings that cannot be overlooked nor cast aside. I would like to keep these thoughts in mind as I share more about my story. I write mainly because writing is cathartic for me and also in hopes that maybe someone else would choose to share their story with me. Although it has been nearly a lifetime since my story began; so much of it is still fresh in my mind. I have spent so much of my life lamenting the way my brain and emotions work. Instead, I am coming to a tentative grip that this is who I am.

        I will endeavor to write from the perspective of my story alone; but at times it will intersect with others who were with me.  What I write about is true but I will change the names of other people. I hope my battles, my agony, my confusion can all touch someone’s heart who may be struggling and feel that they are alone. They are not. Sometimes I will share poems I have written to chronicle my journey. My poems are more like prayers whispered up to God in hopes that He will hear me. Thank you for taking time to read!

15 thoughts on “minor musings 1”

  1. As to the reasons you feel things so deeply. I reckon, like many others who find it helpful to write. Perhaps you are a deep thinking person, who analyze , then reanalyze a situation , an interaction, ad infinitum. Until it is processed to some satisfaction.
    It can of course, impinge upon the days practical activities, and with all this inner thinking, and contemplating of people, and just life, it can be hard to get on with actual life.But perhaps like many who are drawn to WordPress and similar sites, maybe you are writer at heart. I can identify with feeling life deeply, with analyzing situations, then reanalyzing them again.
    But that’s just the way it is. Not a crime. Thanks for deciding to follow what I write. I appreciate it.

    Michael.

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  2. It goes without saying that I find your blog so unique. Hence I am nominating you for the Unique Bloggers Award.

    https://oursilentreverie.wordpress.com/2017/08/05/the-unique-blogger-award/

    For having gone through what I can only hope no one ever has to go through, and come out the other end the compassionate person that you are, you truly are Unique and your voice needs to be heard far and wide. There are so many people out there hurting.

    I hope you will accept this and enjoy it.

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    1. I know this may sound stupid, but you brought tears to my eyes. i genuinely thank you for nominating me. Sometimes I feel so useless and this little corner where I can write and read from others is a solace for me. I am glad you both are here too!!

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      1. Trust me all the sane people feel useless its the idiots who are too full of themselves.

        “Life is tough yet beautiful” – I found this written on the dedication page in a book that I remember nothing else about. I often wonder what the write went through yet still maintained his/her sanity. He/She must have been courageous – like yourself.

        Hope you enjoy your award, it is but a small acknowledgement of how awesome your blog is 🙂 and life is beautiful.

        Like

    2. F & M I apologize for “bugging” you but I am at a loss as to how to select a Unique Blogger Award button. I am generally computer illiterate much to my daughter’s chagrin. So if you are able to assist me with this I would greatly appreciate it. I guess I will not be winning any awards due to my computer skills!!! lol

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      1. Hey no worries at all. Frankly I couldn’t find the button myself so googled the image. You can go to my post and copy the image from there and use it as your own. 🙂

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