i have been having a really difficult time- for awhile now. i have been experiencing some major depression. it is crippling in many ways. and then there are always the people you hope are trying to help when they tell you to “think good thoughts” to get better. yeah….great advice…..why didn’t i think of that???? 

i loathe the fact that i suffer from depression. i hate that it causes me to withdraw from everyone. i find it deplorable that there are still people who choose to be ignorant about mental illness.

almost three weeks ago i knew i was not in a good place as far as being depressed; so i made an appointment to talk to my doctor. she and i decided that i would go off of one medication and begin a new one. she warned me that it could be slightly difficult to do the switch. i felt the new medicine was helping but that wasn’t all it did.  aside from beginning to help me it gave me a restless feeling that only got worse as time went on. the side effect from the medicine was more than i could handle. my doctor said to skip two days of the new med to try to lower the dosage in my system. she also gave me something to help the restlessness. it didn’t help. by this time i am feeling distressed. i felt so alone trying to get this medicine straightened out. i ended up stopping the new medicine altogether. i also did this without telling my doctor. (i know that was stupid!)

so here i am; my insides turned upside down–just wishing my mind didn’t work the way it does. wanting to see light in the middle of this tunnel.