Dress the same, hair is blah, no make-up, no one stand out- that’s wrong you know. Don’t talk back or speak your mind; that’s not allowed here. Wake up early  before the sun; being a sloth is a sin. Begin the day of endless work, but first don’t forget to pray. If you do you’re in disgrace. Get your kids up, dress them well, make sure their room is clean. Make them breakfast, wipe it up; now let the school work begin. Teaching five different kids is what’s required, whether you believe in homeschooling or not. Frustrated here, this is hard; I’m not a teacher you know. While they’re learning, make sure you’re busy doing something good. Sewing my clothes, making floral wreaths and arrangements, crocheting baby clothes, cooking from scratch, cleaning every detail of my home in order to escape shame in front of all. Go to church three times a week with your toddlers at your feet. Keep them quiet, or else. Weed the gardens, plant the vegetables- make it perfect you know. Gather the harvest, wash them all clean, sort them into their piles. Canning all you are able to; so tired from the day. Kids need bathed, stories need read; tuck the kids in bed. Can rest come? No- not ever. Omgoodness I forgot– do the laundry! (For seven people) All the while, tamp down the terror occupying my head that I’ll never be enough.

So while I acknowledge that the prior chores I listed are in and of themselves a good thing. What I am contending is that when religious leaders misuse scriptures and twist them to say what they want to manipulate good, earnest people is despicable. To be required to perform more duties that cannot reasonably fit in a day to be deemed “holy” or “close to God” is sick. I want people to understand that this happened every day, all day. My mind never had a moment’s peace. The church services were long and arduous making it was difficult to keep small children quiet. Every action was “spiritualized”. It was as if there was a constant hammer ready to pound me.  God is not like that. He is merciful. I used to know this before the “lord’s farm”. It is taking me much time to get it to sink in. I will keep at it though.