Rising from the dead takes time and work. It’s more difficult than one can imagine; and believe me- I imagine a great deal. I have been lying in my grave for so long I had almost given up all hope of a resurrection. Living “on the brink” and staying in the coffin is not all it’s cracked up to be. I still take my shoes off and let the grass blades peek up through my toes. Ahhhh…. feels so good. But wait. What happens when someone comes along and mows the grass? Well, you find out the answer the hard way. It’s still excruciating. It still makes you feel as if someone just spun you around while playing “pin the tale on the donkey”. You’re dizzy. You’re disoriented. You wonder if you are back in the coffin. Well, “I say, Nail the coffin shut.” Feel the pain. Absorb the blow. But stay risen. You are so much stronger than you could ever imagine. 

dmi

don’t do it, don’t give in

shut it down, lock it in

can i make it numb?

does it work that way?

maybe no one will notice

if i just slip away.

donna marie

too heavy, too low, it’s painful, can’t breathe-

can’t see, so dark, snakes crawling on me-

wrap around me, suck it out, till no life is left-

for then , i think, i can finally be at rest.

donna marie

someone gather me up, every single part

drop me where it’s quiet; where sadness flees my heart

is that place unknown? i’m sure it is to me

cause every way to heal is unavailable and not free

how long do you flail before someone sees you dying?

twenty-five years not long enough? i’m not lying.

i don’t have the energy to fight this fight again.

lay me down in peace, so i can rest ….. amen.

donna marie

you know, i’m tired…….. tired of having to explain to people why i am not “better” yet.   “it was so long ago, why aren’t you over it?”    i wonder how many times i have fielded that question.  ignorant people should shut up.  should i repeat that?? it wouldn’t help–as long as people are breathing; there will be stupid people. it’s kinda like saying to someone who is battling cancer, “why aren’t you healed yet?” HELLO!!!  depression, bipolar, PTSD, obsessive/compulsive disorder are actual, REAL health problems.  you see, the brain is genuinely a part of our body. (not sure if you new that or not) it’s what you call an organ. (i know the sarcasm is thick)  just as any other organ in our body can become sick–our brain can too. so the next time you ask someone why they can’t stop being “depressed”– shut up!

sometimes i wish there was a place in the middle that i could slip into.

where nothing racks my mind.

a place i can be whole.

i am not fat there.

i am not terrified of dying there.

sometimes i want to be numb.

to protect me from the pain.

sometimes when i look at others,

i wonder what they would think if they knew what was in my head.

i wonder if i will ever be whole again. 

i wonder

donna marie