splintered

it splits, it splinters, shredding each frail piece.

breaking apart the symmetry that once held it in place.

 pick the fragments up and heap them in a pile.

that is all it’s really worth, even when you smile.

donna marie

the blow

 the blow struck her suddenly-

i watched her stumble low.

she never saw it coming-

how could she possibly know?

i wonder…. can she take it-

the pain that sears her heart-

or will she end up in a pit-

while her mind frays apart.

donna marie

let you down

don’t want to let you down-

trying hard as i can-

wish you understood-

what a terrible mess i am-

it pains, it smothers me-

so tightly it’s wound-

till i’m all but shattered-

where i can’t be found.

donna marie

 

into the deep

I felt a Cleaving in my Mind-

As if my brain had split-

I tried to match it- Seam by Seam-

But could not make it fit.

-Emily Dickinson

This poem describes how I feel a great deal of the time– but I am learning to be grateful that I feel things so deeply. I see that God has given me great empathy for others and I know that it comes from going through deep waters.   dmi

Chapter 3

The following is fictional. It is an original story. I try to install a new chapter each week. You can find all of them under “musings” on my blog site. Enjoy!

Chapter 3

The day I met him was the day my life changed forever. Never again would ANYTHING be the same for me. It was almost as if a black curtain had been drawn and I could no longer see anyone or anything I loved. I remember that I missed my bus on the way home from school. I decided to take the path through the woods to shorten the walk. All at once I was on the ground reeling from pain. My head hurt….. oh my head!! I was bleeding!!! Next, I was being rolled up in a canvas cloth. It was dark and I couldn’t breathe. I still did not know what was happening. It all came so fast and I hadn’t heard a single word yet from Him. To my surprise, my own voice was silent as well.

He carried me over bumpy terrain for well over an hour. I didn’t know if it was dark outside yet because of being dark inside the canvas. Finding my voice, I asked, “Where are we going?” No response. Awhile later, we began going up a steep hill. He was still carrying me. He stopped and laid me down on the ground. I was shivering. My teeth were chattering. He told me to stop it. He asked if I needed to go pee and I quickly said no. He then bent down and uncovered my head from the canvas. I was disoriented. When my eyes adjusted to the darkness, I could see his face. He was really tall and he had dark hair and blue eyes. His voice sounded kind. How could a man who kidnapped a young girl sound “kind”? He offered me a drink of water, but I declined. Soon I was wrapped back up and on our way we went.

Finally, late that night, we arrived at our destination. I couldn’t see much of it that first night. All I knew was that I was so tired and I missed my mommy. I was laid down down on the floor next to Him. He put his arm over me to keep me there. In a few minutes, I was asleep.

Chapter 2

The following is fictional. It is my original story. This is Chapter 2. Chapter 1 can be found in the “musings” category on my blog. Enjoy!

 

I never imagined my life could turn out this way. When one imagines and plans their life, I can say for sure that no one would ever pick this. But wait, I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me tell you who I once was.

I was once an innocent seven year old girl with a loving family. I lived the way I assumed every seven year old girl did. My brothers and sisters rounded out our family along with our mom and dad. I was smack, dab in the middle; two older sisters and two younger brothers. My brother Ian, who was just fifteen months younger than I was, was autistic. He was my best friend. Ian was always happy, which made him very endearing to everyone. Sometimes though, he would get on my nerves. Once Ian got an idea in his head, he would constantly pester you until whatever his idea was came to fruition. My two oldest sisters were several years older than me. My parents had them, then waited six years and had the last three. So, although I loved my sisters dearly, our age gap kept us from being very close.  Holly, who just turned sixteen, had just gotten her driver’s license. We had a beat up old Honda civic, which she was allowed to drive. I thought this was pretty neat, because now I could ask her to take me to the skating rink!! Every time she drove me somewhere, we would drive by her boyfriend’s house. I didn’t understand the fascination of sitting in a car in front of her boyfriend’s house, but hey, she was taking me where I wanted to go. Kasey was about to turn fifteen soon. She was a bookworm. Her bedroom walls were lined with shelves and shelves of books. She would always say how much she loved the feel of a book in her hands. They were sacred to her. My parents got her a Kindle one year for Christmas, but she never even took it out of the box. She wanted pages to turn. I snuck in her room one night and took the Kindle and I’ve had it ever since. She never once asked where it went. So, that leaves my youngest brother. His name is Henry. He’s just two, but talks non stop. He throws food when he doesn’t want it and screams when he’s tired. I wonder…… when do these behaviors morph into appropriate responses? Or do they just simmer in us waiting to rear their ugly head again?

When I first met Him, I knew right away that those types of behaviors were abiding in him. I could tell that they were not only abiding in him; but growing exponentially.

The day I met Him was a beautiful day with blue skies and white puffy clouds. I used to lay on the ground and watch the clouds change shapes and try to figure out what they looked like. Such an innocent game to play. Soon, that innocence would be lost.

 

 

 

Chapter 1

The following is fictional. It is the beginning of a short story. I will attempt to put a new chapter out once a week. Please feel free to ask me any questions. Peace. donna marie

 

After that night, nothing was ever the same. Never again would I hear footsteps coming down the wooden  hallway without chills shimmering up my spine to the back of my neck. I still shake from the chills. When I close my eyes, I can feel his dry, rough hands touching my face, I still smell his burnt flesh as he singed his forehead bending down to extinguish the two candles that were lit on the side table. Wax had dropped upon the table and caused a mark when the wax was removed.

He didn’t know that I knew that he was guilty. I could see how this particular lack of knowledge emboldened him.  His arrogance astounded me! He truly thought that he was smarter than everyone else in the room.   He thought he was “The Moral Compass” for humanity. I didn’t realize how long it took me to believe it. Making yourself  “unbelieve” something is next to impossible if you’ve been brought to that belief through hurtful methods, such as being abused can be especially difficult,

Close your eyes so you won’t see

The road ahead You chose for me.