sometimes i have unfortunate happenings in my life. as a matter of fact; i think i am a magnet for these happenings.
last Sunday, my family all went to one of my sister’s church because their family had a huge announcement and they wanted us there for it. so i’m sitting next to my husband listening to what’s being said i begin to feel rumblings in my stomach. so i get up to use the restroom; which happens to be way over on the other side of the church!!
so i make it to the bathroom and do my little ritual that i do when i use a public restroom. (putting toilet paper all over the seat) when i stand up, the toilet paper (that happens to be thinner than air) is now stuck to my backside and legs. As i’m pulling the pieces of tp off: i look on the floor. there……on the floor…..under my shoe, is a piece of toilet paper that i used to wipe myself with!!!! omgoodness!!! seriously….why do these things happen to me?
so my good shoes now had crap on them!!! i waited for the ladies to leave the bathroom and emerged ready to clean my shoes. i scrubbed them till they glistened and put them on and went back to my seat…….with no one the wiser!
So…. I’m thinking about blotchy redness on my face. I figure that, you know, since I did grow five children in my body and give it over to the game of , “Let’s see how far we can stretch your stomach!” — that maybe I could catch a break now that I have entered the “50” club. I just want to make this clear before I move on about the stretching first. My firstborn weighed 9lbs. 7oz.!! He looked like a toddler next to the 4lb. twins in the nursery! So yes I have stretch marks. Oh well, I never liked wearing a bikini anyway. But this….. this blotchy redness on my face that comes with the hot flashes…. well–I HATE IT. No mincing words there. Some have said to me that it just looks like I have natural blush on all the time. Bull-crap. The splotches are not in the correct place to appear as natural blush. I look like a clown and if anyone knows me they know I detest clowns. I can’t even watch the trailer for the new Stephen King movie because it’s about an evil clown. Yuck! SO…. it seems to me that we as females got the raw end of the deal. I know, I know, we get the blessing of making a tiny human inside our bodies. But — we also get the weight gain and the horrendous experience of pushing out an almost 10lb kid out of a tiny space. I’m not seeing where this evens out men. Because NOW I have daily hot flashes filled with sweat (which is so nice right after my shower) and I get to look like a clown with natural blush!!! Oh, one more thing, I feel like I have to pee all the time because of carrying five children. I would still like to wear cute panties for at least a few more years. Just one of those things that irk me.
I don’t understand in our super anti aging obsessed culture how the eyelid has been overlooked!!! (or should I say “under looked”)? I mean I constantly see ads or articles on anti-aging secrets; but no one is really addressing the shocking fact that eyelids show their age early!!! Am i the only one whose eyelids are wrinkly? Seriously- when I go to put my make up on, it’s not too bad everywhere else on my face until I am trying to put my eyeliner on. The stupid droopiness of my eyelids pull and crinkle and make trying to put a simple line on like a circus act. I have always been for aging naturally; oh I use oil of olay on my face regularly, but that’s as far as I go. Apparently I should have been rubbing it on my eyelids all along. I fear it’s too late for that now- the damage is done. Alas! I am doomed to a saggy lid. Just like they say in the song The Streak, ” Too late Ethel, he’s already been mooned!!!!” Oh well, could be worse. 😉