i find it difficult to live. why is it so hard? what i am referring to is the darkness that plagues my mind. i became acquainted with this plague from a very early age. for as long as i can remember, i have worried about everything. i am so frustrated because i have spent years— many, many years working towards what i thought was healing. i don’t know if i am any closer to it now than i was back then. it seems for every thing i gain ground on, i fall back five steps. each compulsion i stop, i replace it with a different one. i am frustrated.